So, this week’s discipline has been rough.
I mean, it’s not like it’s especially difficult to avoid processed foods. I don’t usually eat much of it on the regular.
The problem is mindlessness for me.
Like, sometimes I mindlessly eat. Especially cereal late at night.
Monday night Rhonda says, as at 9pm I’ve poured a bowl of not-bad-but-not-healthy cereal full of raisins and crunchy flakes: “Wait, I thought you weren’t eating processed foods this week.”
It had totally slipped my mind. I mean, one of the reasons I’m doing this is to be more mindful, right? It just *literally* slipped my mind.
That’s bad enough. I learned my lesson. Not going to happen again.
Until it did: Tuesday night.
Yes, not 24 hours later I, once again, mindlessly brought in a bowl of cereal when I heard Rhonda say, yet again, “Wait. I thought you weren’t doing that this week.”
I’m proud to say I haven’t done that since, and I only have a few more days to go, but it just brought to my attention how often I mindlessly indulge in certain behaviors that I want to curb.
Why was I eating it?
Part of it was I think I wanted to end the night with something sweet. “Have a banana,” you might say (looking at you, Rhonda), to which I would reply, “But I want something crunchy.”
But the real truth is that it just has become routine. An unhealthy routine. A way of filling my time before bed.
I’ve heard the Japanese word, kuchisabishii probably best explains it. “My mouth is lonely.”
Or, maybe, I kind of am, if I’m honest.
I’m fully vaccinated now, and the thing that I look forward to most these days is hugging other people.
Sure, I give my family hugs. But I miss hugging other people. I miss connection and I have the sneaky suspicion I’m filling that abyss with crunch cereal at 9pm.
It’s just a hunch, but I think it might be true.
But I’m resolved to cut down on the cereal.
And, soon enough, to indulge on the hugging (when/if appropriate).