This week’s discipline, severing my ties with my iPhone, is a miserable failure so far.

On Sunday I did put it away. Far away, in fact. Took whole trips without it: on a walk, to visit family, to the store.

I found myself reaching for it. Often.

I sat in the car and waited for our order at St. Bucks of the Stars to be fulfilled wondering what I’d do while I waited…cause, you know, I always have to “do” something. We’re always “doing” aren’t we?

Shamefully, I found myself reaching for it at red lights.

I even found myself reaching for it while doing other things! Like, while watching TV, believe it or not. Absent-mindedly reaching for it, as if my brain now says, “Nope, you’re not overstimulated enough. TV won’t just do it, we have to have something else…”

As I walked out the door I checked my pockets: “Keys? EDC (Every Day Carry) Stuff? Pen? Mask? iPhone? Wallet?” and, when it wasn’t there, a small panic arose in me.

What if I got lost? Or stranded? How would I handle it if I couldn’t call someone?

I mean, it’s not like people didn’t get lost before iPhones, right? And somehow they survived…but my mind and heart races just thinking about the sheer inconvenience of it all.

It’s only Tuesday, but I’ve realized two things about my iPhone:

1. I realize how much is on there that I use everyday: credit cards, bank apps, music, email. It has replaced my wallet, my radio, my pen and paper, my camera, my map, and (ironically) my phone…because I rarely call anyone on it except for work.
2. I have a subconscious, learned-dependency on it that is just really unhealthy. It’s part of why I’m doing this whole thing.

So far, I’m crashing and burning though. Sunday I did pretty well, but yesterday and today I find it by my side. I’m literally looking at it right now, sitting there as I’m typing this, begging me to pick it up. Caress its virtual buttons. Explore its connectivity possibilities.

I mean, I don’t mean to sound sensual, but that’s kind of how it is almost. All addictions touch that nerve in us, don’t they? And yes, I can say it: I’m addicted to this thing.

Which is a spiritual issue. All addictions are. They cloud the mind and keep us from clarity.

Be honest with yourself: are you addicted to your iPhone?

I resolve to do better with this. In fact, I’m going to go put it up right now…as soon as I check the weather app.

Ugh.